Forever and For Always

Ah Christmas break....

Rest

Relaxation

Freedom

not.

I started the break off with a cold. awesome. After all, who doesn't want to spend their few precious weeks of no homework curled up on the couch with aches and a sore throat? So now as I sit on the couch, wrapped in my blanket with my mug of tea I'm desperate for any distraction from my dripping nose and pounding head....why not write a blog entry? I'm sure everyone wants to hear me gripe about how awful I feel currently.

This is always when I wish I had a boyfriend, someone to snuggle with and sympathize with how badly I feel. Roommates just aren't quite the same :)

But then I have to remember that I am already in a relationship with someone who is ultimately more fulfilling than a boyfriend can ever be....

I am in a beautiful relationship with my Father in Heaven, and He loves me more passionately and faithfully than any man here on earth possibly can. And His is a relationship that I can always always depend on! People, here on earth, will fail us. It is a simple fact. No matter how hard we try, we as people will fail to always be there for each other. Because we are human, there is no way we can fulfill all of our needs! We were designed that way! God is the only one who can fulfill us completely! And isn't it such a comfort to know that we serve a God of absolutes? A God of extremes.

Psalm 113:4 "The Lord is high above all nations." Not some. All!

Psalm 107:1 "Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever." Nor just some of the time, but Forever!

Joshua 1:5 "...Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you." He doesn't say "may be with you, or may not leave you or forsake you" but He will not!

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." not just some places, wherever we go!

Our God will never leave us! He will never change! He will never stop loving us. He will always be jealous for us. What a comfort is that, to know we serve and are loved by such a God!

He is not limited by us, and we cannot limit Him. He cannot be constrained by our parameters or guides. He will always keep His promises to us. We can completely and totally rely on Him!

And yet, because all we know are human relationships, we bring that mindset into our relationship with God, and we don't trust Him completely, because we expect Him to fail, because people fail.

How dare we?

God cannot be put in our little cardboard boxes! He is above such things, and we should be eternally grateful that He is! We need to stop expecting God to fail, and start trusting Him with everything, because He will come through for us. Maybe it's not in the way that we want, or the timing we had planned, but He will come through for us in the way that is best for us.

So no matter how badly I want a boyfriend at some times, or no matter how disappointed in my friend, I can always remember that there is one relationship that will always come through for me. He will always, always, always love me!

Two blondes walked into a building...

You know how you can hear a joke, or see a funny movie, or have a funny moment with a friend, and it's hilarious that first time?

But then you hear the joke again, or watch the movie for the second time, or try to retell that funny moment, and it's just not as funny the second time....

I wish we could recapture that hilarity every time. That each time you hear that joke you laugh uncontrollably, or every time you watch that movie you are rolling on the floor laughing.

I think Heaven will be that way. Everything will be perfectly funny...every time....I mean why not? God had fun with His creation, and we were made to enjoy it, so we will be able to enjoy it perfectly in Heaven. I am looking forward to it. :)

Fruit of the Spirit

There is nothing like winter weather to turn me into a grumpy bear. I don't like being cold, or wet, or blown around by the wind, so why would I want them all at the same time? And yet winter it seems has finally arrived and there's nothing I can do about it.

Yet I still let it get me down. Today was just one of those days. I was irritated by everything!

Why do I have to get up and go to class?

Why do we waste time in my classes?

Why do some people think they know it all?

Why do we have to have homework?

Why does it have to be cold???

And then I went to my book group where we're reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. I was frustrated because of my lack of patience, but not to worry, God wasted no time in convicting me and pointing me in the right direction. In the chapter we read for today Chan talked about the Fruit of the Spirit. He made an interesting distinction in the verses from Galations 5 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." He wrote how the "fruit" in the verse is singular, it doesn't say the fruits of the Spirit, "but that one fruit incorporates all the different elements that follow (love, joy, peace, etc)" (Chan).

It's like a fruit salad, it all comes as one package. When we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts, all of the fruit will flow forth from us. Not just patience, or kindness, or whatever one we feel like we need more of at the time.

He went on to write how we cannot simply muster up more patience by gritting our teeth and determining to be more patient. We aren't strong enough or good enough on our own to do that. We cannot simply, become more peaceful or joyful. We spend a lot of time trying though, don't we?

I realized we have a tendency to become rather legalistic about it all. We know the sign of growth and faith is the fruit of the Spirit and we know that is what God desires from us, so we spend all our time trying to do those things, instead trying to be who He wants us to be. Chan went on to write that we need to focus our energy not on garnering more will power, but on asking for help from He who can change us, permanently, for the better. Why do we waste our time trying to change ourselves, when the only lasting, heart change comes from our Father? Why don't we ask him to put the fruit of His Spirit into our lives and then spend more time "with the One we want to be more like" (Chan).

We completely forget to give the Holy Spirit his due and ask Him to work in our hearts, to create that lasting change in our lives. Just gritting our teeth and vowing to be more patient is not going to produce lasting results. But when the Holy Spirit moves and works in our heart...that is awesome change.

We can't get past our pride and just let God do His work. We insist on helping, on inserting our two cents. God doesn't need us. He chooses to use us for His glory, but he sure as heck doesn't need us. Why don't we let Him mold and shape us into the men and women He intended us to be? Only His hands will make us beautiful and purposeful, for His glory. Anything else is for us and our glory, and who do we think we are to aspire to that kind of glory?

When the Holy Spirit is able to work in our hearts, His fruit, all His fruit, should come forth, almost naturally! We shouldn't have to grit our teeth, cross our fingers and hope for the best. We have the God of the universe on our side, why don't we ask Him for help?

Just think of everything that could be accomplished for His glory if we swallowed our pride and let Him work through us!

I'm learning to do this.

Falling for Fall

Isn't fall a beautiful season? It's my favorite season...too bad I live in Nebraska where fall lasts about two weeks and the leaves get either blown off or frozen before they even have a chance to change.
But this year...has been stunning!
I love fall, except for one thing....it means winter is coming. Winter is my least favorite season, but I love fall so I'm soaking it up for all it's worth this year!


Fall means leaves turning orange and red and yellow
....spiraling and tumbling to the ground where they collect in piles perfect for jumping in and walking through. I'm pretty positive that God made leaves the way they are so that we could get enjoyment out of them in every possible way. They are a welcome relief in the spring with their green warmth reaching to the sky as the cold of winter melts away....and then they spread themselves as a welcome shade from the heat of the summer sun....and then they explode in colors brighter than anything man can create, made specifically to pop out against the bluer than blue sky before they spin to the ground for our enjoyment as we walk the streets. I always go out of my way to step on those leaves that look especially dry and particularly crunchy. There something so satisfying about hearing the snap and crunch of the leaves under your shoe.

Fall means hot cider and soup in big cups that you can wrap your hands around and absorb heat from
...especially when you're a cheapy like me and put off turning on the heater as long as possible...and like to have the windows open :) and none of that instant, pour the mix in the cup stuff. The real stuff: made in a crock pot with real sprigs of cinnamon…

Fall means breaking out the scarves!

I love scarves...I have too many, but they are a weakness of mine...

remember when the stretchy ones were all the rage? I had four or five of them :)

Fall means I can work out outside without melting away into a puddle of sweat and tears...

it's still warm outside, but the wind has changed. it's cool and light. we don't get blown away by hurricane force, 98 degree gales...

Fall means marching band season! having a younger brother and sister who were both in marching band, it's kind of a big deal :)

Roadtripping (is that a word?) to Lincoln and Columbus with the parentals for parades and competitions.

Kearney High students take marching band very seriously....and so do the families.

That's right, I'm a KHS Band Groupie :)

Fall means Thanksgiving down at the ranch with the Troyer clan...which means tons of food, tons of people and kids running around, riding 4 wheelers, fossil hunting, a hayrack ride, and a bonfire!

yes the Troyers are fossil hunters! the ranch is in the chalk hills and there are all kinds of sharks teeth and vertabrae to find!

But the highlight of the weekend is definitely the bonfire. People in Kearney don't know what a real bonfire is. I was with some friends who were going to a bonfire one evening out in the country. I'm thinking, awesome a bonfire, this will be great! I get there....and it's a pit fire. I'm sorry. A pit fire does not qualify as a bonfire. This is a bonfire.

A bonfire is 15 feet high, 15 feet across, and so hot you can't stand closer than 6 feet, which makes smores difficult. :)

that is a bonfire. none of this pit fire nonsense, sorry folks.

There are so many things to look forward to and do...
God sure knew what He was doing when he made fall...
I am loving seeing God in the fall!

Control Freak

I was sitting in one of my classes this week, one of my least favorite classes, which makes it a long hour and fifteen minutes, but it's valuable information most of the time, so I know it's good for me. That doesn't mean I like it anymore.

So I was sitting there, and we were talking about our goals, and how do we stay motivated to follow through on our goals, and how are we going to make our goals come true, and I realized something.

It's not wonder we are control-freak planners in this nation. The "American Dream" is built upon this mind set, making your dreams come true, yourself.

It's all about me me me doing whatever I possibly can to be successful in life. And if I don't do it then it won't happen.

I've always had issues with being a bit of a control freak. Okay, more than a bit of a control freak. I live out of my planner. If it isn't in my planner, it isn't going to happen. I love starting a new year and buying a fresh, clean, unmarred planner with all the empty pages just waiting to be filled with homework assignments and social activities. But being a control freak has its drawbacks.

For starters, I have issues trusting others with things. If you're not going to do it right or in a timely manner than just let me do it. Needless to say group projects tend to stress me out. But this trust issue factors into my life in another way. I really have a hard time giving things up to God. I know, in my head, that it makes much more sense to give things up to Him.

He only happens to be the all-sovereign Ruler of the Universe. But no, He can't be trusted to take care of the things in my life.

This is the God who loves me, who takes an interest in me, who likes me, who wants the best for me, who created me, who holds our world in His hands, who sent His son to be crucified for me. Why in the world won't I trust Him with my life???

My head knows it, but I have the worst time making the jump from my head to my heart. I just can't quite let go of the remote control.

Why should we be so afraid to give our lives up to God?

I think a huge factor in this fear, aside from the "American Dream" mentality, is the fact that every other aspect of our lives is made up of interaction with other people. We are sometimes forced to trust other people with things that are important to us, and people, more often than not, will let us down! When we're so used to disappointment and being let down, we are that much more guarded, more careful, less trusting.

But we seem to be forgetting one key fact.

God is not human!

God is God!!!! If we can't trust Him then we truly have no hope in our lives. We should be running to leave everything we have at His feet, anxious to see what He's going to do with our lives, to see how He can turn anything around for His glory and our good. That is such a comforting thought...

Now this is not to say that we just "Live and let God." He's not going to do anything if we're just sitting on our tails, waiting for Him to make a move. We need to be actively seeking His will in our lives. It's a very good thing to have dreams and goals, but we need to remember who is in control, and be open to God's plan when He reveals it to us. His plan for us may not coincide with our plans for ourselves, and we need to be willing to let go of our plan and follow where He is leading us.

We need to let go of the remote control, and see how our lives are changed when we give God control!

I'm learning to see God when I let go...

I don't know why you say goodbye...

….goodbye….
Depending on the context, that word can bring on tears, heartache, anger, disappointment, joy (depending on the person) and a whole myriad of emotions. It’s amazing how so much feeling is tied up in that one word. Yet how often do we hear that word and think of it as an opportunity? As a beginning instead of an ending? I love this song that expresses this quite nicely…

“I know there’s a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead,
Just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life’s so bittersweet

I guess it’s gonna have to hurt,
I guess I’m gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side.
I guess it’s gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It’s sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye.”

We are so desperately afraid of change sometimes, even when change is for the better. But anything that messes up our routine or invades our comfort zone is unwelcome, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Why have we let goodbyes become this way for us? True, there is often unpleasantness that arises with goodbyes. People have bad memories of goodbyes, but why do we linger on the negative, why do we only remember the hurt? What keeps us from looking ahead, looking to the possibilities and opportunities that have arisen from this goodbye? We are so good at forgetting who is in control, and that God has His reasons for everything.
Think of all the changes in our lives that occurred because of a goodbye….
Two best friends are going to different colleges say goodbye, and now are forced to make new, additional friends….
A job opportunity is taking a newly graduated student away from his family, so he says goodbye, and drives off to a new town, or city, or state, and is forced to grow up….
A boy and a girl decide to end their relationship, so they say goodbye and go their separate ways, and each meet someone new….
Think of everything that happens when we say goodbye! Think of all the places you never would have gone, all the people you never would have met if you had never said a goodbye in your life. God can, and does use any situation that we are in for His glory! Why do we forget this?

I am facing a goodbye, which I have known is coming for a couple weeks now, which makes it worse…
But I was looking back, thinking about how my life has been impacted by this family that I will be saying goodbye to, and I realized how incredibly selfish I am being, on more than one level.
First of all, it serves no purpose for me to mope around and feel sorry for myself, when I could be standing by as an encouragement for this family as they step out on this new adventure. These people are facing much more change than I am, and are having to say many many more goodbyes than I am. The least I can do is be there for them, and support them. Also it doesn’t help them leave any easier if I cling and cry for them to stay.
Secondly, this family has affected me on several levels, emotionally, spiritually and practically. Isn’t it now my responsibility to pass on everything I learned from them? If I benefited from their influence, who is to say that others couldn’t also, even if it’s indirectly? What kind of world would this be if we went around hoarding the knowledge and wisdom we had gained from others? Isn’t that meant to be shared? And I’m sure we do share much of what we’ve learned unintentionally, but what about being intentional about it? What kind of difference would we see in our relationships if that happened? Would we be stronger, mentally and spiritually?

Now granted, all of this doesn’t make goodbyes any more enjoyable, any easier….

But maybe, instead of seeing the glass as half empty, we could learn to see it as half full, and see the world of possibilities that God gives us through a goodbye. His hand is in everything, in every hello, and every goodbye, and there is a reason and purpose for them all.

I’m learning to see God in my goodbyes….

growing pains

I don't ever remember having actual growing pains, that physical pain that comes from a growth spurt in middle school.

But I'm feeling them now.
They may not be physical, but they are emotional, and definitely spiritual.

I was going along, walking my neat and tidy path.
















Sure there's a tumbleweed or two here and there, a dead flower every now then (I do not have a green thumb, by any stretch of the imagination). I don't pretend to have it all figured out, and I definitely don't know where this path is taking me, but I knew what I was about. I knew I was happy, doing my thing, strolling along my little garden trail. The rain had just quit, the clouds had cleared, everything was clean and fresh and daisies were popping up everywhere.

I'm strolling along, soaking in the sunshine, humming a little tune, going on my blissful way, until I come upon a dandelion, smack-dab in the middle of my little dirt path.

Now wait just one minute here!











I just got past a storm, things were supposed to be clear and care free, surely for a day at least? Hah.

Some might say, dandelions are pretty. I would not be one of those people, however, I will grant you, they are a nice and bright, happy summer image. That doesn't mean I want them all over my garden path.

I have some options here. I can ignore the dandelion. They (whoever "they" are) say ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, I am not ignorant of this dandelion. I know it's there, I can't very well pretend I didn't see it. It's right in the middle of my path! It's oh so tempting though. I could just take one step around it, and walk on. What would be the harm in leaving it there? It's just a little dandelion...now.

It's little now.

Give it some time and the roots will grow, burrowing further and further into the ground. Not only that, but the dandelion is going to change on the surface as well. The blossom will turn into a round fuzz ball, requiring only a small gust of wind to carry the seeds here, there and everywhere across my garden and path.


Then I have a mess on my hands. Walking away from this dandelion is basically encouraging it to grow. I might as well pull out the watering can and miracle-grow and play Mozart for it.









No, this problem, this dandelion has to be dealt with.

Now.

So with a sigh I get down on my knees to examine this weed closer. How should I go about getting rid of it? I could just pull the head off, that would stop the seeds from spreading right? But the roots are still there, the dandelion will come back. I've got to break out the trowel and dig this sucker out of the ground.

I pull out my gloves and tools, preparing to get rid of this nuisance. I begin to dig at the base of the plant, trying to ascertain the depth and strength of the roots. I keep digging and digging. The roots just seem to go on forever, I can't find the ends! In exasperation I just begin to pull at the plant. My first tug does nothing more than pull the leaves off.

I readjust my gloves and get on my knees. I get as firm a grip on the base of the dandelion as I can, and pull with all my strength!

Nothing. Didn't budge.

I readjust my grip again, grit my teeth and pull!

It wiggles a little, from side to side, but the roots are still solidly gripping the dirt. I'm beginning to sweat. The sunshine that had felt so lovely on my walk was now beating down on my exposed neck.

How can things have changed so quickly? I just wanted to enjoy my path! Stroll barefoot through the grass, watch the clouds float lazily along, chase a butterfly...

But now I have an aching back and shoulders, sweat pouring off my forehead, and dirt underneath my fingernails...

I want more than anything to resume my walk, end it with a nap in a hammock under a tree, but it seems someone is not content to leave me as I am. My Heavenly Father wants to stretch me, wants me to grow.

He wants me to sweat, and ache, and get dirt under my fingernails, because He gets the pleasure of molding and shaping me to become the woman He wants me to be. He created me with potential, and He is glorified when I grow to reach my potential. I may have been content with my leisurely stroll along my neat and tidy path, but my Lord is not afraid to throw a wrench in my plans and plant a weed on my path.

I may not like it. In fact I probably won't. It hurts, growing. We are bound to have growing pains. But once I take a step back and examine things, I realize that those growing pains are good, in that they are a confirmation that I am being grown by my Maker. He is taking a personal interest in me, to reach my full potential, for His glory.

How awesome is that?

I have been feeling God, in my growing pains.

cloudy with a chance of....

So last night was Cruise Nite, not my most favorite day of the year. It started as something cool, people bringing in their old classic cars to show off and sell, but now it has become more of an excuse to party and get drunk than anything. One of the curses of living in a college town I suppose. But after church last night, I wanted to go out and get something for supper. All I had in my house was peanut butter and jelly, which I had had for lunch and didn't really want again. But in order to get to any store in town I would have to cross Highway 30, where all the cruising of the cars happens. Usually my policy on Cruise Nite is to barricade myself in my house until it all blows over, but I really didn't want a sandwich again for supper. So after some internal debate I decided to just bite the bullet and head to the store. The driving was a mess, as I expected. It took me about twice as long as normal to get to the store, and I'm not the most patient driver, and I was hungry. Overall it wasn't a great situation. But as I was leaving the parking lot of the store, I saw something that just about took my breath away.

It was cloudy in the west, there was a storm coming....

but there was a place, where it looked like someone had just taken a handful of cloud and ripped out a chunk. The setting sun was streaming through, a huge blast of orange light bursting through the inky blue clouds. There were other little gaps all around this big hole in the clouds and there was more orange and pink rays of light streaming through.

Vibrant, bold, saturated colors!

The bright orange and pink against the dark clouds was stunning! I wish I had had a camera, or been able to paint it, or something because it was simply incredible, and I'm sure nothing like I'll ever see again! I wanted to just sit in my car and watch it, but I was already moving and couldn't stop in the middle of the intersection.

We had a storm later that night, and I woke up to a gloomy, cloudy morning. It was as I was on my way to church that again I wanted to pull over my car and just stare.
There was a huge cloud bank, hanging low over the town. It was gray, with peaks like whipped cream. It looked like an island floating in the sky, with the snowy points of mountains just breaking through the misty fog that surrounds the island. It was beautiful! As I was driving I thought about how God's splendor and glory can be seen everywhere!
It boggles my mind how people say that all of this just "happened." How can they look at the world around them, and not see the hand of the Creator?
His hand is everywhere! I think we forget that sometimes, that He created everything! And it was created for His glory! And personally I think He loves playing with His creation. That creates a strange mental picture, God playing. But why not? Why can't He have fun with what is His?

...look at all the different animals...

...the thousands of kinds of trees...

...the millions of insects....

I think God has fun with His creation, and that is such a happy thought to me. He is not some judgmental being, sitting up on his throne above with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.
He love us.
He likes us.
He cares about us.
He is involved in our lives.
I think He created these things not just for His glory and splendor, but for our enjoyment as well! What an incredible thought, that God cares enough about us to bless us with things that bring us joy! Whether it's bird watching, or mountain hiking, there are endless ways for us to enjoy God's creation....even by watching the clouds in the sky.
I saw God in the clouds.....

non-confrontational

I have found myself in a situation as of late, that will probably require me to confront someone in the near future. I was talking about the situation to a concerned outside party and she asked why I had never dealt with this issue before. I found myself saying several times, "I'm just not confrontational." Thinking about it later, I've realized we use that phrase quite often, and a.) we use it as a cop out to avoid an unpleasant situation that we are perfectly capable of handling, and b.) God did not intend confrontation to be a bad thing, and yet we have made it that way. Funny how good we are at screwing up things that God intended for good.

I've been reading through a book by Paul David Tripp called "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change" and the author talks some about confrontation, and how it was intended to be. Confrontation was supposed to be a way for people to come to each other, in love, and point out something that the one person may be missing.
It was not intended to be a "I'm better than you and here's what you're doing wrong" situation.
Nor was it intended to be a "You've hurt me and now you need to apologize and make up for it" situation.
It is not something used to lift yourself up or put the other person down. On the contrary, confrontation needs to occur because this person has a heart issue that needs dealt with, but not by you. Rather the issue needs to be dealt with between this person and the Lord. They have fallen away, they have taken a misstep, and because you care about their spiritual well being, you have brought it to their attention. The issue shouldn't be that you've been hurt by someone and they need to realize it and fix it with you, but rather,

they need to get right with God.

In addition, confrontation was not meant to be something that happens once in a blue moon after an issue has built up and festered. Ideally, confrontation needs to be a daily occurrence. We are supposed to be keeping each other accountable as fellows Christ-followers, and this should be something we are always helping each other with. So if we see someone taking a misstep, it is our responsibility to make them aware of it when they are not. And if this confrontation were happening on a daily basis, we would not dread it near as much as we do now.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am as guilty of this incorrect confrontational style as the next person. And when I read that section out of the book, it really made sense to me, but I had yet to actually apply it. And now, when I am being faced with an unpleasant confrontation, those pages from the book come to mind, and I think how this situation might have been different had I been confronting it from the beginning.
Oh if only it were as simple as flipping a switch and suddenly I could be confronting people correctly all the time! But it is not that simple.

God likes to grow and stretch us.

He wants us to learn from our mistakes.

We can't just sleep on the Bible and learn everything by osmosis.

We are relational beings. God made us that way. But that being the case, we have to learn how to relate to one another correctly. The way God intended.

It won't be easy.
It definitely won't be pretty.
But imagine how much more we could glorify God if we confronted people the way He wanted, without shouting and anger, without tears and hurt feelings.
I hope to see God in more and more of my confrontations.

tools

I was thinking this evening, after having a long (and much needed) talk with a friend, about how amazing it is that God uses us to implement His will and fulfill His plans. It had been kind of a rough day for me, actually a rough couple of days, and there were some things that I needed to hear. God used my friend to tell me these things.

People wonder why God doesn't speak to us anymore the way He did in the Old Testament, just by speaking to them, or coming in dreams etc. I've been reading in Joshua and Judges how Moses and Joshua often talked with God, and I think how amazing that must have been. But that's not necessary anymore. Because of His gift of the Holy Spirit, we have something better! He is with us all the time, and He uses those around us to get our attention, when we're maybe being a bit thick-skulled. He spoke through my friend, and while she may not even know that what she said had that much of an impact, it is clear to me that God gave her those words to speak.

He knows my every need.

Isn't it amazing, that the God of the universe, Creator of heaven and earth, giver of life, the reason we move on this earth, uses us, flawed people, to fulfill His plans? And maybe it's something huge like leading the Israelites out of Egypt, but maybe it's something small, like having a heart-to-heart with a friend. God can, does and will use us, and that is so humbling to me! I am of no value in comparison to my God.

I am scum...

I am lower than scum...

...and yet....

God uses me, scum that I am, to fulfill His greater purpose! I am a tool in His hand!

How incredible!

How humbling.

I saw God in my friend today.