God is definitely opening me up to new experiences this year. I mean, 2012 has just been chock-full of changes and firsts and growth.
Sometimes I sit back and think, "Okay God, I'm ready for a break! Can't things just stay neutral, for a little bit at least?" And then I'm pretty sure God chuckles and shakes his head (not maliciously, but benevolently) and picks up his shaker full of "change" and "firsts" and "challenges" and sprinkles some more of that mix on my head like fairy dust. Too bad all the change and firsts and challenges can't make me fly, because that'd be pretty amazing. : )
But no, no flight. Just stress levels that are through the roof. Seriously, I have never in my life experienced the kind of stress I am currently going through. And I was happy not experiencing it. It's not like I was sitting on my couch wishing, "Gee, I just don't have enough stress in my life, God can you do something about that?" Nope, I can guarantee I haven't ever thought that.
Yet, here I am, exhausted, drained mentally and physically and emotionally, playing a waiting game with an ending that hasn't been written yet. Actually, that's not true. God know's how it'll end. He just isn't sharing with me : )
I'm sure you've experienced that place in life, where circumstances are beyond your control, and things are all up in the air, and you have to, need to, must pray. But you pick up your pen to journal, or you hit your knees on your bedroom floor, and you don't have the words. All you can do is cry out, and pray that God hears you heart, because you can't express how you're feeling in words.
I've been meditating on Romans 8:26 this week, and it's been such a comfort to me...
"Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." 10-12
How amazing is that? Seriously, the Holy Spirit, knows my heart, and he knows God's heart, and he prays for me! Wow. What more could I ask for?
It doesn't take long for my selfish and easily-distracted heart to come up with an answer to that question. What about a happy ending? An ending that will make all the struggle worthwhile....
Yeah, God's got an answer for that too, and he showed me this week in Psalm 66:
"For you, O God, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.
You brought us into the net;
you laid a crushing burden on our backs;
you let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance."
Okay, so just to be clear:
1. When I don't have words to pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me,
and
2. though he allows the trials, trying me like silver, he will bring me out to a place of abundance....
Gosh, *shuffles feet sheepishly*
God, you really do that for me?
My stress levels may be at an all-time high, and my life may be very-much out of my control currently, but I have hope. There is a place of abundance coming. I don't know when, I don't know how, or what it will look like, but it is coming. My God is that amazing.
