For those of you who don't know me terribly well, you should know that mind in made up mostly of song lyrics and movie quotes :) I'll give a hug to whoever can name the above quote! (hint it's animated)
But it accurately sums up how I feel. Isn't it just the truth that when you think things can't get any worse, life throws its head back and laughs hysterically, and then can't pass up the urge to prove us wrong. Awesome.
What's particularly frustrating with this situation that I'm just being called to wait. To quote an iconic movie character with a Spanish accent "I hate waiting."
(a gold star for whoever names this one, I'll even give you a picture!)
I am generally a pretty decisive person. I usually have a pretty clear idea of what I should be doing, and once I've determined a course of action, I take it. But I'm in a situation where I've been on my knees, practically begging God to tell me where to go. I want to submit to Him, I want to do his will, I truly do! But I have NO IDEA what His will is in this situation. For a while I thought I had two options before me: Action 1, Action 2.
For weeks I've been trying to decide between Action 1 and Action 2. There isn't one that's more right or wrong than the other. I could pick either one and God would use it as he will. But He hasn't given me any kind of direction about which one to pick. I spent weeks vacillating between the two; Monday I'd wake up convinced that I needed to do Action 1, and then Tuesday I'd be uncertain, and thinking that maybe I should actually choose Action 2. Weeks of this.
Then God gave me an answer. Too bad it wasn't the answer I wanted....
It just struck me one day, "Kaylee, did it ever occur to you that the reason you can't make up your mind is because you're not supposed to pick Action 1 or 2? Maybe you're just supposed to be waiting?
*Siiiiiiiigh* *insert whiny whines*
Introduce Action 3 (or anti-Action?)
I am not a good waiter. I try, but I'm not the most patient of people. I'm all about efficiency, and in an effort to be as efficient as possible, I'm pretty good at avoiding much waiting.
Once God sent me this brain wave, he brought to mind one of my favorite verses....at least, it had been one of my favorite verses, until I felt so convicted by it :)
Psalm 62:1 "For God alone my soul waits in silence, from him comes my salvation."
Ouch. My soul hasn't been waiting very well, and it sure as heck hasn't been waiting in silence. There are definitely times to cry out to God, but there are times when we just need to shut up and listen.
So I'm waiting. I am trying to remember who my hope is, who it's founded on. And it helps to listen to songs like this and remember what home I'm waiting for....
