growing pains

I don't ever remember having actual growing pains, that physical pain that comes from a growth spurt in middle school.

But I'm feeling them now.
They may not be physical, but they are emotional, and definitely spiritual.

I was going along, walking my neat and tidy path.
















Sure there's a tumbleweed or two here and there, a dead flower every now then (I do not have a green thumb, by any stretch of the imagination). I don't pretend to have it all figured out, and I definitely don't know where this path is taking me, but I knew what I was about. I knew I was happy, doing my thing, strolling along my little garden trail. The rain had just quit, the clouds had cleared, everything was clean and fresh and daisies were popping up everywhere.

I'm strolling along, soaking in the sunshine, humming a little tune, going on my blissful way, until I come upon a dandelion, smack-dab in the middle of my little dirt path.

Now wait just one minute here!











I just got past a storm, things were supposed to be clear and care free, surely for a day at least? Hah.

Some might say, dandelions are pretty. I would not be one of those people, however, I will grant you, they are a nice and bright, happy summer image. That doesn't mean I want them all over my garden path.

I have some options here. I can ignore the dandelion. They (whoever "they" are) say ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, I am not ignorant of this dandelion. I know it's there, I can't very well pretend I didn't see it. It's right in the middle of my path! It's oh so tempting though. I could just take one step around it, and walk on. What would be the harm in leaving it there? It's just a little dandelion...now.

It's little now.

Give it some time and the roots will grow, burrowing further and further into the ground. Not only that, but the dandelion is going to change on the surface as well. The blossom will turn into a round fuzz ball, requiring only a small gust of wind to carry the seeds here, there and everywhere across my garden and path.


Then I have a mess on my hands. Walking away from this dandelion is basically encouraging it to grow. I might as well pull out the watering can and miracle-grow and play Mozart for it.









No, this problem, this dandelion has to be dealt with.

Now.

So with a sigh I get down on my knees to examine this weed closer. How should I go about getting rid of it? I could just pull the head off, that would stop the seeds from spreading right? But the roots are still there, the dandelion will come back. I've got to break out the trowel and dig this sucker out of the ground.

I pull out my gloves and tools, preparing to get rid of this nuisance. I begin to dig at the base of the plant, trying to ascertain the depth and strength of the roots. I keep digging and digging. The roots just seem to go on forever, I can't find the ends! In exasperation I just begin to pull at the plant. My first tug does nothing more than pull the leaves off.

I readjust my gloves and get on my knees. I get as firm a grip on the base of the dandelion as I can, and pull with all my strength!

Nothing. Didn't budge.

I readjust my grip again, grit my teeth and pull!

It wiggles a little, from side to side, but the roots are still solidly gripping the dirt. I'm beginning to sweat. The sunshine that had felt so lovely on my walk was now beating down on my exposed neck.

How can things have changed so quickly? I just wanted to enjoy my path! Stroll barefoot through the grass, watch the clouds float lazily along, chase a butterfly...

But now I have an aching back and shoulders, sweat pouring off my forehead, and dirt underneath my fingernails...

I want more than anything to resume my walk, end it with a nap in a hammock under a tree, but it seems someone is not content to leave me as I am. My Heavenly Father wants to stretch me, wants me to grow.

He wants me to sweat, and ache, and get dirt under my fingernails, because He gets the pleasure of molding and shaping me to become the woman He wants me to be. He created me with potential, and He is glorified when I grow to reach my potential. I may have been content with my leisurely stroll along my neat and tidy path, but my Lord is not afraid to throw a wrench in my plans and plant a weed on my path.

I may not like it. In fact I probably won't. It hurts, growing. We are bound to have growing pains. But once I take a step back and examine things, I realize that those growing pains are good, in that they are a confirmation that I am being grown by my Maker. He is taking a personal interest in me, to reach my full potential, for His glory.

How awesome is that?

I have been feeling God, in my growing pains.

cloudy with a chance of....

So last night was Cruise Nite, not my most favorite day of the year. It started as something cool, people bringing in their old classic cars to show off and sell, but now it has become more of an excuse to party and get drunk than anything. One of the curses of living in a college town I suppose. But after church last night, I wanted to go out and get something for supper. All I had in my house was peanut butter and jelly, which I had had for lunch and didn't really want again. But in order to get to any store in town I would have to cross Highway 30, where all the cruising of the cars happens. Usually my policy on Cruise Nite is to barricade myself in my house until it all blows over, but I really didn't want a sandwich again for supper. So after some internal debate I decided to just bite the bullet and head to the store. The driving was a mess, as I expected. It took me about twice as long as normal to get to the store, and I'm not the most patient driver, and I was hungry. Overall it wasn't a great situation. But as I was leaving the parking lot of the store, I saw something that just about took my breath away.

It was cloudy in the west, there was a storm coming....

but there was a place, where it looked like someone had just taken a handful of cloud and ripped out a chunk. The setting sun was streaming through, a huge blast of orange light bursting through the inky blue clouds. There were other little gaps all around this big hole in the clouds and there was more orange and pink rays of light streaming through.

Vibrant, bold, saturated colors!

The bright orange and pink against the dark clouds was stunning! I wish I had had a camera, or been able to paint it, or something because it was simply incredible, and I'm sure nothing like I'll ever see again! I wanted to just sit in my car and watch it, but I was already moving and couldn't stop in the middle of the intersection.

We had a storm later that night, and I woke up to a gloomy, cloudy morning. It was as I was on my way to church that again I wanted to pull over my car and just stare.
There was a huge cloud bank, hanging low over the town. It was gray, with peaks like whipped cream. It looked like an island floating in the sky, with the snowy points of mountains just breaking through the misty fog that surrounds the island. It was beautiful! As I was driving I thought about how God's splendor and glory can be seen everywhere!
It boggles my mind how people say that all of this just "happened." How can they look at the world around them, and not see the hand of the Creator?
His hand is everywhere! I think we forget that sometimes, that He created everything! And it was created for His glory! And personally I think He loves playing with His creation. That creates a strange mental picture, God playing. But why not? Why can't He have fun with what is His?

...look at all the different animals...

...the thousands of kinds of trees...

...the millions of insects....

I think God has fun with His creation, and that is such a happy thought to me. He is not some judgmental being, sitting up on his throne above with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.
He love us.
He likes us.
He cares about us.
He is involved in our lives.
I think He created these things not just for His glory and splendor, but for our enjoyment as well! What an incredible thought, that God cares enough about us to bless us with things that bring us joy! Whether it's bird watching, or mountain hiking, there are endless ways for us to enjoy God's creation....even by watching the clouds in the sky.
I saw God in the clouds.....

non-confrontational

I have found myself in a situation as of late, that will probably require me to confront someone in the near future. I was talking about the situation to a concerned outside party and she asked why I had never dealt with this issue before. I found myself saying several times, "I'm just not confrontational." Thinking about it later, I've realized we use that phrase quite often, and a.) we use it as a cop out to avoid an unpleasant situation that we are perfectly capable of handling, and b.) God did not intend confrontation to be a bad thing, and yet we have made it that way. Funny how good we are at screwing up things that God intended for good.

I've been reading through a book by Paul David Tripp called "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change" and the author talks some about confrontation, and how it was intended to be. Confrontation was supposed to be a way for people to come to each other, in love, and point out something that the one person may be missing.
It was not intended to be a "I'm better than you and here's what you're doing wrong" situation.
Nor was it intended to be a "You've hurt me and now you need to apologize and make up for it" situation.
It is not something used to lift yourself up or put the other person down. On the contrary, confrontation needs to occur because this person has a heart issue that needs dealt with, but not by you. Rather the issue needs to be dealt with between this person and the Lord. They have fallen away, they have taken a misstep, and because you care about their spiritual well being, you have brought it to their attention. The issue shouldn't be that you've been hurt by someone and they need to realize it and fix it with you, but rather,

they need to get right with God.

In addition, confrontation was not meant to be something that happens once in a blue moon after an issue has built up and festered. Ideally, confrontation needs to be a daily occurrence. We are supposed to be keeping each other accountable as fellows Christ-followers, and this should be something we are always helping each other with. So if we see someone taking a misstep, it is our responsibility to make them aware of it when they are not. And if this confrontation were happening on a daily basis, we would not dread it near as much as we do now.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am as guilty of this incorrect confrontational style as the next person. And when I read that section out of the book, it really made sense to me, but I had yet to actually apply it. And now, when I am being faced with an unpleasant confrontation, those pages from the book come to mind, and I think how this situation might have been different had I been confronting it from the beginning.
Oh if only it were as simple as flipping a switch and suddenly I could be confronting people correctly all the time! But it is not that simple.

God likes to grow and stretch us.

He wants us to learn from our mistakes.

We can't just sleep on the Bible and learn everything by osmosis.

We are relational beings. God made us that way. But that being the case, we have to learn how to relate to one another correctly. The way God intended.

It won't be easy.
It definitely won't be pretty.
But imagine how much more we could glorify God if we confronted people the way He wanted, without shouting and anger, without tears and hurt feelings.
I hope to see God in more and more of my confrontations.

tools

I was thinking this evening, after having a long (and much needed) talk with a friend, about how amazing it is that God uses us to implement His will and fulfill His plans. It had been kind of a rough day for me, actually a rough couple of days, and there were some things that I needed to hear. God used my friend to tell me these things.

People wonder why God doesn't speak to us anymore the way He did in the Old Testament, just by speaking to them, or coming in dreams etc. I've been reading in Joshua and Judges how Moses and Joshua often talked with God, and I think how amazing that must have been. But that's not necessary anymore. Because of His gift of the Holy Spirit, we have something better! He is with us all the time, and He uses those around us to get our attention, when we're maybe being a bit thick-skulled. He spoke through my friend, and while she may not even know that what she said had that much of an impact, it is clear to me that God gave her those words to speak.

He knows my every need.

Isn't it amazing, that the God of the universe, Creator of heaven and earth, giver of life, the reason we move on this earth, uses us, flawed people, to fulfill His plans? And maybe it's something huge like leading the Israelites out of Egypt, but maybe it's something small, like having a heart-to-heart with a friend. God can, does and will use us, and that is so humbling to me! I am of no value in comparison to my God.

I am scum...

I am lower than scum...

...and yet....

God uses me, scum that I am, to fulfill His greater purpose! I am a tool in His hand!

How incredible!

How humbling.

I saw God in my friend today.