Leaps...

Leaps of joy

Leaps and bounds

Leaps of faith

Leaps can be used in numerous contexts...but the last one is what I'll be working on in the months to come....and hopefully the first two will be products of this leap of faith.

As stated in previous posts, I don't do well with change.

I don't do well with bravery.

But I am taking the reins in my teeth and am applying to go to Spain for three months this summer for mission work with Springs of Life camp. My church supports Glenn and Sue Ashcraft who run the camp and they came to my church a couple of weeks ago to give a progress report of sorts. I felt a tugging at my heart (The Holy Spirit), and a tugging on my arm (my mom) and I talked with Glenn after the service about the possibility of joining him and Sue that summer. We exchanged contact information and the week that followed for me was....

confusing...

terrifying....

exciting....

lacking in sleep....

I tossed the idea back and forth, I prayed, I stayed up at night, unable to sleep because of the ideas spinning in my head.

Last night, after a week of praying, talking with friends and family, and tossing and turning, I decided to take the leap. I am applying to work with them for three months. Nothing is certain yet, I have to officially apply through Avant ministries and they'll either approve me or

tell me I'm crazy!

If however, they approve me, I'll start a process that I have no idea how to start.

Asking for references.

Writing support letters.

Booking flights.

Trying not to pass out from the terror of being away from home,

across the ocean for three months.

The idea of being away excites and terrifies me all at the same time, and I know that I can do nothing but grow from this experience, no matter how it turns out.

I have no idea where close to $5000 is going to come from.

But if God wants me to go He will provide.

I have no idea where the courage to travel across the world by myself will come from, except that it will have to come from God.

If this is God's will for me, He will provide.

And then there's that phrase "God's will."

How do I know this is God's will?

His will for His people is to go out into the world and be representatives of His love.

As a very wise friend told me, you would actually have to be called not to go,

because we are all called to go.

So begins an adventure.

I have confidence?

"I have confidence in sunshine, I have confidence in rain! I have confidence that spring will come again! Besides what you see I have confidence in me!"

It is my favorite scene from The Sound of Music, when Julie Andrews sings those words and marches confidently up to the VonTrapp household, not knowing what she would find, but conquering her fears. I've always wished I could be brave like that. Alas courage is not one of my strong suites. I don't do well handling change. It freaks me out. I freeze and panic and am kind of a mess. I like things to stay the way they are, where they're safe, and I know where things are, where I can control them.

But I'm coming to a point in my life where things are completely out of my control, and I need to start making decisions about my future. But instead of making those decisions, I have been ducking my head and avoiding them. Change is scary, the unknown is frightening! I don't know what I want to do with my life, what career I want, where I want to live.....all those questions that people start asking when graduation comes around, I don't know the answers to any of them.

That fact terrifies me.

And yet, aren't we taught that stress and worry are useless occupations? Where does worry get us in life? What does stress accomplish? They are extremely selfish in all actuality because it's basically saying that I can't trust God to take care of things. Yet in Matthew 6 Jesus says "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?... Therefore do not be anxious saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (25-34)

Is not life more than food?

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

My heavenly Father knows the needs and desires of my heart, better than I do! Who am I to say that He cannot or will not take care of me? It's like I'm saying my troubles are too big for God, or too complex. How absurd! As if my little worry could be too big for my God to handle. It's ridiculous!

And yet I continue to worry....what if I don't find a job after I graduate? what if I have to move back home? The economy is so bad what am I going to do?

Where is my confidence? My bravery? My assurance in Christ? The Lord told Joshua "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

He has commanded us to be brave! And why shouldn't we be? There is nothing we cannot do with God on our side. If we are in His will, seeking His kingdom first, He will protect us, He will always come through for us! He will be with me on my job interviews, He will be with me if I don't get the job I think I want.

And if I am following His will for life right now, His will for my future will fall into place. I need to trust my Lord and Savior to come through for me. He can. He will. There is no greater love than this.