How do you face the terror of the unknown?
How do you plan for the life-altering experience you know is coming?
How do you deal with the knowledge that things will never be the same?
How do you keep your terror from overwhelming, overpowering you?
I know the verses about not worrying, I know we are commanded not to fear. I know these things in my head, but it's another matter entirely for that knowledge to penetrate the thick, sticky smog of fear and uncertainty.
I know my God does not, will not leave me. I know my family is not walking through this trial alone.
None the less, it feels very, very lonely.
My Bible can't wrap strong arms around me and hold me tight in the quiet hours of sleepless nights. It sits on my lap, and doesn't reply when I beg for answers to my questions. I know my God is near, but He feels very far away.
So I'll keep wandering, stumbling through the smog, praying for peace, praying for courage.
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