5 am Musings

So it's one of those nights, I'm just not supposed to sleep I guess. There are so many other things I could be getting done, so many things to think about, so many prayers to pray. So, 4 hours of sleep it is! Let's get this stuff done!
In some ways, I love being the only one awake in the wee hours....everything is so, quiet. I love the silence. There are no distractions. The computer and cell phone are off, the lamp is low, and my Lord calls me to my knees. It's been an amazing morning.
We'll see how I feel around 2:00 this afternoon, but for now, I'm flying high, reveling in the silence and peace that only my Heavenly Father brings.

Great is His Faithfulness

Isn't it amazing how God can turn something horrible and depressing into a blessing?

This weekend was a crazy whirlwind that totally did not go as I had planned, which, for anyone who knows me, knows what a problem that can be for me. But God took my plans and after throwing them out the window into the blizzard turned me onto the path towards His plan. You'd think I would learn by now, but it seems this is one lesson I'll have to keep learning....and repeating...

I was supposed to go to Maranatha Bible camp this weekend for an annual worship conference. Churches from several states and denominations come together for a weekend of workshops and worship and fellowship and refreshment. It's also a reunion of sorts for me, since my dear dear friends,the Braddy family, who used to live in Kearney but moved to Wyoming, are there and it's wonderful to get to catch up and spend time together. Overall it's a rejuvenating and revitalizing weekend, and one that I look forward to all year.

So naturally Nebraska would go all winter with hardly any snow and then choose this one weekend to blizzard on us.

I held off making a decision on whether or not I would make the hour and a half-ish drive to camp come sleet or snow or ice or wind, but Friday morning came and it was clear that the storm wasn't going to blow over like I had hoped, and I decided it would be best to stay in Kearney. I felt like I had been punched in the gut and had a good little cry in my office once I had officially decided to stay. I couldn't help but be upset and frustrated with God. Why would He deny me the one opportunity I would have to see this family I haven't seen in eight months and an opportunity to spend a weekend growing in my worship to Him?

I couldn't see it until after the weekend was over, but my heavenly Father had some wonderful things planned for me for the weekend, and I am so grateful that I was able to spend the weekend in Kearney, doing what I ended up doing.
It still hurts, not being able to see people I had been hoping to see and don't know when I'll see again, but there was a lot of good that came out of the weekend and I am thankful that God chose to bless me as He did.
When will I learn to trust my heavenly Father with my life and plans? I don't know that I'll ever fully get there, but I hope to get better at it, through Him and His strength. I want to be able to completely trust Him with everything and it's what I'm constantly striving for.

Great is His faithfulness, His steadfast love endures forever. Amen!

Miscellaneous Ramblings

So it's been a while.
I'm sorry blog, I didn't mean to neglect you. It's amazing how the days have just been FLYING by isn't it? Suddenly I turned around and we're into the year 2012! Seriously, when did this happen? And who gave permission for this to happen?? And January is practically gone! Ridiculous :)

So what have I been up to? Let's think...
Celebrating my 23rd birthday....weird.
Moving out of my parent's basement....bittersweet.
Moving into a new apartment....crazy.
Making new friends....amaaaazing.
Working/building relationships with my coworkers....challenging.
Leading worship for women's Bible study....stretching.
Trying to stay connected with old friends....difficult.
Learning how to live with my new roomie....fun.
Learning more about my Heavenly Father....awe inspiring.

My plate is full!

It's just been amazing to take a step back and see how God has been working through me these past months. Doesn't it just blow your mind that God chooses to use us, flawed as we are?! Doesn't it humble you so much to think about how He doesn't need us. I was thinking about Adam and Eve, and how God could have so easily just said, "Well that didn't work out, I'll just scrap them and start over. Take two."
But He didn't.
He chose to extend GRACE!
He chose to love on us in a way that means so much more now that we are a FLAWED people.
Doesn't that just make you want to worship Him with everything you have?
"For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 4:15
And then I start thinking about how often we misconstrue the concept of worship. We'll sing the songs at church and then when we're leaving the building to go to lunch we say, "Wow, that was an awesome worship set," or we say, "I just wasn't feeling those songs today."

We're forgetting one very important thing.

It's not about us!!!!!!
Shocking. I know.

So what if I didn't FEEL anything during that worship set? It's not about how you feel, it's about praising and giving glory to God! We shouldn't be leaving the church talking about awesome the music was, but about how AWESOME God is!!!!

And sometimes yes, we will be blessed with overwhelming feelings of thanks, or awe, or conviction, and we shouldn't be afraid to feel those things. There are definitely people who are too afraid to let themselves experience those feelings, having been warned that feelings aren't to be trusted. And while no, we shouldn't be making life decision based off of feelings, we can't forget that feelings are part of the way God created us. Feelings aren't bad in of themselves, when they are from the Holy Spirit.

Fear is a feeling, and yet aren't we supposed to have a fear of the Lord our God?
"Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling." Psalm 2:11

So where I am I going with all of this, you ask?

I'm not sure, I just know it's what was pressing on my heart, and I wanted to share :)
I hope everyone can take some time to step back and see how God is using them, it's just awe inspiring!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Is it too soon to start listening to Christmas music?

I mean, I know we just got past Halloween, and Thanksgiving is still coming...but I just can't help myself!

But it seems in general those around me don't feel it's permissible until after Thanksgiving. Seriously??? I can't wait that long. And then I only get a month to listen to all this wooonderful music!
There is just too much good stuff out there to get through in only a month! There's just something that happens when the weather changes. The breezes are chilly, the windows start to get frosty in the morning, you can see your breath as you walk to your car, you break out the gloves and scarves and coats...it just makes me want to break out the Christmas music!
If it has to be cold outside, I should get to listen to Christmas music, that's just how I feel. And heck, it even snowed today! That's all the permission I need to break out the classic tunes :)

Below are some of my all time faves :) I'm sorry, I just can't wait four more weeks!

If you've never heard of Straight No Chaser, I'm about to change your life. They are a men's acapella group from Indiana, and they are, superb. My absolute favorite. They do a lot of mash-ups and a lot of originals, and it's all fantastic. This is one of their best Christmas, though all their Christmas is great!


Next up is Celtic Woman, a group of Irish woman who do folk music but they also have a Christmas album, and their voices just give me the chills every time! So pure and beautiful!


This next one was tough, because Point of Grace's version of O Holy Night is my absolute favorite version ever! But there are absolutely zero good recordings of it...so this was the best I could find, and it's not good. But just to kind of give you an idea...it's really is beautiful if you can ever hear a good version of it.


I love this next one also, I'm a sucker for acapella, if you hadn't figured that out yet. And I love Rascal Flatts :)


And of course no Christmas list would be complete without Michael Buble. This is a duet with Shania Twain off of his new Christmas album. It's fantastic :) This is my other excuse for breaking out the music early. You can't have Michael put out a new album in October and expect me to wait until December to listen to it. Not happening folks :)


There are so many more...but these are always at the top of my list :)

Snugglicious

With three sick coworkers and two sick family members, it was inevitable that I came down with a cold this week. So I dug out the Zicam, Puffs and Vicks and prepared for the worst.
It hasn't been the worst cold I've ever had, but I ended up taking an afternoon off of work. I huddled in the basement, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch trying to ignore the aches and chills while watching reruns of 17 Kids and Counting :) but there is really nothing that makes you feel better like a puppy to snuggle with.
Winston is the newest addition to our family, taking the place of dear Abby who we lost this spring. My family lasted all of a month without a dog in the house, and so we ended up with the bundle of energy that is Winston.

He is a red, miniature poodle with a spitfire personality and enough energy to rival a two-year old. He is such a joy :) He loves to chase the tennis ball and chew on his twenty-ish other toys that we had to buy to keep him busy because he gets bored so quickly. But if you can catch him in the right mood and the right time, he absolutely looooves to snuggle! Hi ultimate goal is to end up in your lap, being petted.
Fortunately when I was home sick, he was in the right mood, and just snuggled right up against me all afternoon.

There is nothing like the warm solidarity of a dog to make you feel warm and safe and well. Their quiet breathing, their paws twitching as they dream, their warm wet nose...
I can't imagine not having a dog. I truly feel sorry for people who have not experienced the loving relationship of having a dog. I know some people just don't like them, and that's fine, but there really is no love in the world like the love of a dog.
They are most definitely a gift from our Heavenly Father, and I was especially grateful for that gift this week.

Nostalgia

This time of year just absolutely FILLS me with nostalgia! I'm sure it does for a lot of people, but there are just so many memories tied to this time of year for me...

Halloween
My mom has some fantastic, old, Halloween decorations that she puts up around our house, I'm pretty sure they're ones that she grew up with, and it just isn't Halloween at my house until these decorations are put up!
Check out these beauties :)

This guys a keeper, definitely. Anything orange on him is textured, like a felt or some kind of velvet. It's fantastic.

I was house sitting for some friends for a couple of weeks and when I came home this greeted me on my bathroom mirror....someone thinks they're pretty funny I expect...

This guy is the newest addition to the collection. He has a motion sensor so when people walk by he drops on a string and makes creepy noises, his legs wiggle and his eyes light up red. Can we say creeeepy???? My dad thinks it's hilarious. My sister and I, not so much....

I'm not very creative when it comes to my costumes, I never have been. I much prefer easy over cool or the wow factor. I just don't get into it like others do, I never have. I can't even tell you how many years in a row I was a black cat. I just wore all black, mom bought me some $2 cat ears, made a tail out of some black fabric and stuck it in my pants, and painted my nose and whiskers with black eyeliner. Bam. Black cat perfection :)
I think there was a Sacajawea thrown in there one year, or maybe it was Pocahontas...I don't think I was ever a princess. That was always my sister's territory, and she played it well! Tyler, being a paper boy, often went just as that, and used his paper bag to carry all his candy. I thought it was brilliant.
Once we were dressed up my folks took us to the Bibleland Carnival, back when it was called that. Oh dear, I just said back when....I'm not old enough for that!
Anyhoo, we'd head out there and play the games and get the candy. I vividly remember playing a bean bag game where you had to toss a bean bag through a hole in Goliath's head....creepy right?
And I'm pretty sure there was one where you had to crawl through the belly of Jonah's whale. Yeah, it was quality stuff :) We never really went trick-or-treating except around our neighborhood. I think we were probably just wimps because it's always so cold/snowing on Halloween :) That probably also factored into my costume choice. What will fit under my winter coat/what will I not get frostbite in?


The Musical
The High School Musical was my sport. I am not an athletic person, I am a musical person and every year I was in the musical. I played suave and sophisticated characters, ranging from a goose with a death sentence,  a townsperson with a fabulous hat, a sausage curl girl (that's exactly how it was worded on the cast list) and a magically alive plate. Like I said, suave and sophisticated :)
Auditions were the first full week of school and the cast list was posted that Friday, which was the longest day of my life that week! They didn't post the list until about 2 minutes before school was out, and I'm sure I didn't learn anything on those days, not when I was distracted with thoughts of who got what part, and did I get any lines or am I just a chorus member?
But then the bell would ring and it was a mad dash down to the auditorium to see the list. My junior and senior year my last class was across the hall from the auditorium, and I could see Mr. Shoemaker taping the list to the doors, but it was too far away to read anything. Fortunately that last class was show choir and pretty much everyone in that class auditioned for the musical and Mrs. Bauer knew that once that list went up we were useless so she quit working for the day, but she didn't let us leave the classroom until the bell rang.
Then the bell rings and you make a beeline through the choir room doors across the hall to the list. Your heart is pounding and you have to decide, am I going to look at the leads first or the chorus first? You always hope you're name is on the leads list, but you don't want to be disappointed so you're tempted to scan the chorus first. But you can't do it. Like a magnet you're eyes are drawn to the list of everyone who got leads. My name was only on the leads list once, senior year, and it was amazing :) I'll never forget the shock. I had actually gotten a lead part! I always knew that I wasn't the best actor. Music was my forte, which is why I always did the musical and usually not any of the plays. So I never truly expected to get a lead part, no matter how badly I wanted one, because my acting wasn't near as good as my classmates.
But senior year was my year.
I was the villain, and a kangaroo, it doesn't get any better than that :)

And then you spend two months of evenings practicing, and practicing, and practicing! Sleep was lost, homework was put off, a social life (unless your friends were in the show) was not an option. It was hard work, it was frustrating, it was exhausting....it was a blast!

Seussical The Musical - A combination of Dr. Seuss's famous stories, and I was Sour Kangaroo (that's me in the middle with the apron and bow)

My bestie Bethany (a bird girl) and I posing the theme song "Oh the thinks you can think!"

You couldn't pay me to go back to high school. There was more drama backstage than there was in the actual production, but if I had to go back, it would be during musical season :)


Marching Band

Both my younger brother and sister have done marching band in high school and they both play the trumpet. This means that mom and dad and I are band groupies. It's true, I have a t-shirt that says so!

We go to the parades and exhibitions and competitions all over the state, and it's a lot of fun. A lot of the eastern schools (Omaha and Lincoln) get pretty flashy with their shows, and they're mini productions of their own. In other words, they have a lot of money and put more emphasis on the flash and sparkle than the quality of marching and music. But as dad says, "At least we're the biggest" :)

We sit through wind and rain and cold and sun all to support our band geeks :) What's great is the dads who are at the Saturday afternoon competitions with their wives and are watching the competition but listening to the Husker game through their headphones. There's always one, but usually there's more and you can always get a score update when you need one :)

The Holidays

And then of course there's Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanksgiving usually consists of a trip down to my uncle's ranch in Kansas where the Troyer family gathers for lots and lots of food in the church basement and an evening hayrack ride and bonfire. And a real bonfire, not a pit fire. I may or may not be a bonfire snob. A bonfire is so big you have to stand ten feet away it's so hot, and you can't jump over it. That's a bonfire. Just saying...

And Christmas is decorating the tree, forcing the dog into a sweater and the annual CLCT (Christmas Lights Creeping Tour) around town :)

There's nothing like this time of year for bringing up memories of the distant, or not-so-distant past, filling you up with that warm fuzzy feeling like a sip of hot cider in front of the fireplace.
These are the days we will remember and I thank God that He has blessed me with these days to remember.

Of Butterflies and Anchors

Isn't it wonderful how God knows just what we need to hear when we need to hear it?

Like when you get in your car and turn on the radio and the perfect song is playing...

Or when a friend shares a Bible verse that just goes straight to your heart...

I am constantly in awe of how much my God loves and knows me. I shouldn't continue to be surprised, but I'm human, and I put my human boundaries on God, and then am surprised when He breaks through.

Last night He used a wonderful, Godly woman to speak to me, and through her, He spoke to me on so many levels!

Here are a couple of the things He said through her to encourage me:

1. I tell God the desires of my heart, like He doesn't already know. I tell him I desire to be married, when He's the one who gave me that desire in the first place! I don't need to clue God in to what's going on in my life and heart. He knows. So often we get it backwards and think that we're driving the car and inviting God along for the ride, when actually He's the one driving and picking us up along the way, wondering when we'll finally get a clue. I need to remember who's driving this vehicle! It's sure not me! She share Psalm 27:14 with me, "Wait for the Lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Yes, He gave me these desires, and He will complete His work in me in His time. Until then, I need to take courage! Pretty sure this is going to become my theme verse!

2. There are generally two kinds of people: butterflies and anchors. The butterflies are the people who are seen more, flitting and flying here and there and everywhere, called from one place to the next. The anchors are more behind the scenes, the solid, ground force for the butterfly to come home to. Both types of people are made by God, lovely creations, and each is necessary to the other. I am an anchor, and I have a hard time accepting that. I talk myself in circles sometimes, thinking that since I love my home town and love my comfort zone, that I need to leave in order to grow. I tell myself that I need to spread my wings, leave the nest, make my own path in the world, and I can only do that by leaving home, and that it's necessary. And while yes it's good to grow and stretch and put yourself out of your comfort zone at times, God has blessed me, and made it clear that my place is right where I am right now. He blessed me with a job, and with a love of my town and desire to help it grow. It's not wrong for me to want to stay here. God can grow me just as much here and He can and did in Spain. There are plenty of ways to get out of my comfort zone in my own community, and God can do amazing things right here in this place. It's okay that I'm an anchor, that I like stability and roots. If we were all butterflies there would be no roots, no home.If we were all anchors there would be no new discoveries or adventures. The one needs the other, and the world needs both.

So it's kind of a random mish-mash of thoughts and ponderings tonight, but it's where my heart is, and I wanted to share. God works in mysterious ways, and in not so mysterious ways too. He used a friend to speak His truth to me.
I saw God tonight.